On Being the Token

I have accepted and acknowledged that I am the colored token.

Leah Drayton

SCENE

Leah in a college classroom. Professor stands before the class, giving out writing assignments.. Leah is the only black student in the classroom. Leah is feeling confident to write something fresh, she’s wearing a knock off pair of gold Prada Oxfords – so she feels like 2005 Mary J. Blige.

Professor: Becky, you can do sports. It’s really groundbreaking to have a woman cover sports. Bob, you can do politics, you are really radical. Leah, you can do our race segment.

Leah: Why do I always get race? I have been writing nothing but articles about blackness and it’s a little uncomfortable to constantly write about the horrible things that happen to black people… especially since I can’t do a “black excellence” column. [turns to Bob] Because some people think that’s racist.

Professor: (Uncomfortable) Well as a woman of color… I thought you would be best suited…

Just for the record, tokenism defined by Merriam Webster is a member of a group (such as a POC) that is included within a larger group. Tokenism defined by me is a person of color accepted into a group in efforts to “diversify”, that POC is held to standards as the “good/model minority”. I am the token, being one of the few black people in my small 30 person academic program, often I’m the only black person in a class.

As much as I shake my fist at tokenism and remind my peers that I have worked just as hard as them to claw my way to where I am, I understand that I am a token. In my academic program, if I see a black person, chances are that a) I already know them or b) I am completely shocked by their presence and will slowly gravitate to them as the semester goes on. It shouldn’t be this way, but after spending my academic career in college answering the same questions about my hair, my skin, my ethnicity, whether I am the first person in my family to go to college, or if I enjoy hip-hop – I break down and just want to talk to someone who “understands” how it is to be the only black person in the room.

Now, that’s not always the case. And yes, this can backfire. Thus the plight of being a token.

To clarify, I understand how my tokenism benefits me. I have gotten amazing internships, jobs, opportunities, and have spoken to amazing people of color in my field. However, I spend that time wondering if I was hired because my company needed to “diversify” or if me being a woman of color makes me a shiny trophy on the mantle of those who honor me with awards. I wonder if I am given writing assignments about race because I am a good writer about these subjects or because my professor felt it was only right to give the black piece to the black girl.

And this can change, depending on academic circles, I’m sure if I was in a different field or a different college, things would feel different. However, looking to the future, I can’t say that this tokenism – being the person of color accepted in a majority white field – will save me from anything.

According to the Pew Research Center, 81% of blacks with some college say that they have faced discrimination compared to 59% of blacks without college experience. This could be an academic thing – as college-educated black folk may know different levels of racism and call it out after being subjected to predominantly white college institutions and reading Incidents in the Life of a Slave Girl fourteen times. It could be that these college-educated black folk are breaking ceilings into predominantly white jobs as we begin to snatch degrees we haven’t had a chance to get before. It could be that they came into class looking fly and feeling confident and only get a chance to speak when the Professor asks them how they feel about Whitney Houston or Harriet Jacobs.

But again, I don’t know the circumstances.

My degree isn’t going to shield me from anything, no matter how many internships I get for being a woman of color. Philando Castile was an education professional and Trayvon Martin had wanted to go to college himself. My fancy honors and professional-looking pixie cut and white power suit do nothing to keep me ahead of racism. Martin Luther King was killed in a suit.

By the numbers, there are more women than men in college, and black women are the rising majority in college. However, the dropout rate is the greatest among black and Hispanic students. Education may not be for everyone – but I can’t help but wonder if that dropout rate includes people who sit in my classroom. Those colored folk who pursue a degree in the hopes of opening doors for other people of color, educating a new class free from black tokens (where colored people can even be the majority in a formerly predominantly white field), and liberating a movement for people who were barred from jobs less than 50 years ago. Those folk who couldn’t bare the weight of those dreams listening to white peers call any and everything “ghetto”, touch their hair, ask if their parents went to college – and be denied opportunities to be seen as more than their skin.

This isn’t exactly whining. I will be getting two degrees this summer, with the highest honors in my program, and a beautiful internship track record. But all of that is mounted on the insecurity that all I have worked for was aided by white folks looking to diversify, which makes me sick to my stomach that I’m just a caramel colored trophy or statistic. My degree doesn’t shield me from violence, racism, discrimination, or being charged an extra 10 dollars at the eyebrow salon because I have “thick eyebrow hair”. (What in the name of Rupaul Charles is “thick eyebrow hair”?)

But what I can take out of this, is understanding this experience. Along with all the other academic tokens out there, I break down the barriers to invite more people of color to opportunities. That’s why I created Iambic – I was tired of begging at the feet of college writing editors to write about something other than K-dot and how I feel about Confederate Statues. I wanted the same freedom of identity all the other white writers get and to be seen as more than a black writer (even though it’s still a proud and important part of my identity).

SCENE

Leah in a college advisory office. Professor from before is laying out Leah’s internship plans. Leah is wearing her white linen power suit she can’t afford and a black pleather Prada bag she definitely bought on Eastern Parkway.

Professor: This is a great publishing firm. They are really into diversity.

Leah: Actually, I would like to go to an all black publisher.

Professor: Don’t you want to mix it up at a predominantly white firm? They could use more people of color.

Leah: Nah, I think I should work to support black companies. Why do you call me a “person of color so often?” I’m black. You can call me black.

Professor: I’m uncomfortable with calling people “black”. It’s so negative 🙂

Leah: But I’m…

So if you acknowledging to be token, are you saying that you don’t want to be seen as black?

Not exactly. My blackness is integral to my identity – but I don’t want to be put on a pedestal for being a black person who “advanced” by getting a college degree in a predominately white major. I love being black, it’s what makes me beautiful. But I have worked hard to break the barriers placed in front of my blackness.

So are you trying to say you are better than other black folks who don’t have two degrees in a fancy writing major?

Literally no. I’m acknowledging my privilege to have the means to go to college and study, but also acknowledging that it makes me not better than any other black person who didn’t.

So if you are acknowledging your privilege – what’s the point in whining about being a token?

It’s not whining. What I’m trying to say is that yes, black folks with college degrees are put on a pedestal, but tokenism in college is still an issue. Kids in college face this kind of discrimination and become so depressed and uninspired and unmotivated in ways that they may even drop out. They get this insecurity that their white peers don’t have to receive. White peers don’t have to constantly question if they are getting an opportunity because of some pity-complex or an agenda to make company photos look all-accepting. They don’t have to question if the music in their presentation is too “hood” or have to literally back – peddle when they mention something that seems natural in their culture but is “too black” for mainstream culture. Yes, if the white first generation of immigrants – because even though they still have this weight of being a first generation-er, they still benefit from white privilege. Yes they still have to back – peddle on cultural differences, but they will never get that email from the dean saying “This company is looking to diversify and add more people of color!”. They don’t find a pinky finger in the midst of their hair in the middle of study hall.

Shouldn’t you be grateful- being a token or being a result of affirmative action isn’t a bad thing? You are diversifying academic spaces. Academics aren’t all about race.

You missed the whole point. Bye.