11 Things Cis Women Aren’t Taught About Their Bodies

Misogyny has a way of worming itself into so many aspects of life – sexuality is no different. I encounter a lot of these questions and beliefs in my work as an adolescent sexual health educator.  From myths about “feminine hygiene” to hymens breaking, here are 11 things cis women may not even know about their own bodies.

Anna Jankowski

“We are able to go to the moon, but we do not understand enough about our own bodies.” – Emmanuele Jannini

**This article contains some content about Female Genital Mutilation and sexual assault.**

1.) You can relieve menstrual cramps through orgasming.

While many women turn to ibuprofen right away, there’s a more enjoyable, free, and natural pain relief method. The uterus relaxes before orgasming and the contractions during an orgasm help to release the cramping sensation. The brain also releases the hormones oxytocin and dopamine to help with the pain, as well as endorphins which boost your mood. Period sex is still somewhat taboo in our culture because of its reputation for being messy or gross. If your partner is concerned about messiness, you can always lay a towel down. Additionally, you can use an internal (“female” condom) or your male partner can use an external condom for penetrative sex. For oral sex, you can use dental dams which can be made out of both internal and external condoms. Of course, you can also have an orgasm by masturbating.

2.) Speaking of masturbating, it’s completely normal for women and girls to do it.

Many of us learned one way or another that penises become erect and that cis men “have” to masturbate in order for these erections to go away. Teenage guys masturbating is an accepted norm because of their stages of development. Yet masturbation is either widely stigmatized or ignored behavior for teenage girls. During the Victorian Age, some doctors went so far as to surgically remove the clitoris in order to prevent girls and women from masturbating. One doctor even described female masturbation as “moral leprosy.”  While this practice has long died out in the U.S. medical community, many countries around the world still practice female genital mutilation (FGM), which involves removing part or all of the outer female genitalia for nonmedical reasons.

These attitudes about female masturbation have toxic implications for women and girls everywhere. Since it is still so stigmatized, I want to emphasize that masturbation is a completely normal behavior for people of ANY gender. It is safe as there is no risk of sexually transmitted diseases (STDs). Just be sure to use clean fingers or toys and to urinate shortly after orgasming in order to help prevent urinary tract infections (UTIs).

3.) Vaginas don’t stretch out.

There’s a myth that if a woman has a vaginal sex with a lot of men, her vagina will stretch out and she won’t “have walls.” The vagina is a very strong muscle and can expand and then go back to how it was. If you open your mouth wide to eat a sandwich, your mouth doesn’t stay that wide permanently. The vagina works in a similar way and this myth is an extension of slut-shaming.

4.) Most breasts don’t look exactly alike.

Some asymmetry between your breasts is normal. Differences in size, shape, nipples are all very common and nothing to freak out over. It’s also normal to have some hair around your nipples. Similarly, vulvas can also come in a range of colors, none of which are wrong or bad.

5.) Hymens don’t necessarily “break” during the first time you have vaginal sex.

We’ve all heard it: a man and a woman fall in love and decide to finally have penetrative sex for the first time. This experience is painful for the woman because her hymen is breaking or tearing and this makes her bleed. This is called “losing your virginity.”

First of all, vaginal sex is not at the top of a sexual behavior hierarchy. Not only is that idea heteronormative, but it also discounts other types of sexual activity. Different people enjoy different sexual activities and experience intimacy in different ways.

The hymen surrounds the vagina and can partially cover it. It usually does not completely cover the vagina (if it did, how would you have your period? The blood would not have an exit) and in the rare cases that it does, it must be operated on in order to create an opening. Biologically, the hymen isn’t that important. It doesn’t have a specific purpose the way the vagina or pubic hair does (more on pubic hair later). While sex can cause a hymen to tear, it often doesn’t. Many of my female friends were shocked to discover that sex did not physically alter them, while others bled profusely. These friends  didn’t bleed nor did their vaginas look or feel different after. This is because hymens come in different shapes. they can also stretch rather than tear and bleed. Hymens can also tear during non-sexual activity, such as using a tampon, exercise, or during day-to-day life. Everyone’s body and first sexual experience is different, both emotionally and physically.

6.) Furthermore, we shouldn’t get hung up on virginity anyway.

Since the hymen is clearly an imperfect marker of whether or not someone is sexually active, it’s not really useful for us to think about virginity. This completely discounts the experiences of LGTBQ+ individuals who may never engage in vaginal sex. Virginity is also an extremely sexist concept, as only women’s bodies are scrutinized in order to determine sexual history. Men are not held to the same standard.

7.) Pubic hair is meant to protect you.

Porn has normalized hairless genitals, but you don’t have to shave or wax. In fact, pubic hair evolved to protect you from diseases. The choice to remove or not to remove pubic hair is yours, but pubic hair is in no way bad.

8.) It’s not normal for sex to hurt.

With all new things, there may be an adjustment period. If sex is a new experience for you, it may take some trial and error to figure out what feels good. In that process, there may be some discomfort. However, any type of sex should not be painful. If it is, you may need to use water-based lubricant or become more aroused before sex. You may also need to slow down the pace of you or your partner’s movements. If the pain doesn’t go away, you should see a doctor.

9.) You should wash yourself with soap and water.

The vulva (the external part of the female genitals) doesn’t require any fancy potions. Soap and water is the best way to wash yourself. You also should not wash the vagina (the inside) at all. The vagina is self-cleaning (that’s part of the reason why you may have discharge from your vagina). Douching is actually harmful and should be avoided altogether. Douching also does not prevent pregnancy.

10.) It can be difficult to orgasm.

Many women find it difficult to orgasm, whether with a partner or even by themselves. This could happen for a variety of reasons. If you’re having sex and it doesn’t feel good, it’s okay to communicate that with your partner. If your partner cares about you, they will want you to enjoy sex too. Speak up and don’t be ashamed. Try to relax and enjoy the experience of being intimate with your partner or yourself, regardless of whether or not you ultimately orgasm.

11) Getting wet or orgasming during unwanted sexual contact does not mean that you liked it or deserved it.

Sometimes our bodies just react to stimuli, regardless of how you feel. Many victims of sexual assault become wet or sometimes even orgasm while they’re assaulted. This does NOT mean that you secretly wanted it. If you did not consent to sexual activity, it was still sexual assault regardless of your body’s reaction and you should not feel ashamed. If you are sexually assaulted, it’s important to get tested for STIs so that you can be treated as soon as possible.